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home : features : features February 06, 2016


3/13/2014 6:00:00 AM
Column: Marathons to get more challenging
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton
Syndicated Columnist

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

The L.A. Marathon was won by a whippet-thin Ethiopian runner Sunday followed by four whippet-thin Kenyan runners.

This could all end soon. Next year in order to make the Los Angeles Marathon exciting enough to be on ESPN, they're going to open all the manhole covers.

North Korea held national elections on Sunday and Kim Jung Un was re-elected president, getting one hundred percent of the vote. They announced they had a one hundred percent voter turnout. One candidate ran against Kim Jung Un for president, his name is Guy Now Gone.

The College Board dumbed down the SAT test, eliminating the essay question and making the vocabulary and math tests easier. We're preparing kids for the future. Our university system's designed to make sure that Las Vegas never has a shortage of slot tournament players.

President Obama did a Funny or Die mock interview with Zack Galifianakis Tuesday to lure nineteen thousand Millenials to the Obamacare website. He has to hustle to get enough young people enrolled. Tonight, he's flying to Atlanta to egg houses with Justin Bieber.

President Obama's approval rating fell to thirty-eight percent in a Fox News poll Monday while Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's approval rating rose to fifty-two percent. It's just insane. Barack Obama can't believe he'd have been better off smoking crack than passing Obamacare.




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