5/11/2013 10:02:00 PM Column: Dads, kids want to horn in on Mother's Day
Courtesy photo Casey’s mom Janet is surrounded by granddaughters Charlie, Izzy, Jessie and Annie. Casey wants to know where he fits in to all this.
Casey Martin Courier Columnist
Ah, Mother's Day. I think it's safe to say that upwards of 60 percent of all people have had a mom.
But while I love the idea that I'm only legally obligated to be nice to my own mother one day a year, the concept still disturbs me. Doubtless, you are thinking to yourself "Wow! Taking a position like that is braver than the guy that charges into the crosswalk two seconds before the little green guy appears on the sign."
(Okay, you probably weren't thinking that. I've been waiting for weeks to shoe-horn that phrase into a conversation.)
Hear me out. I have it on very good authority that there is a segment of our population that is greatly offended by Mother's Day: namely, children.
My own 4-year-old daughter complained the other day that there's no Kids' Day, and heavily suggested, with an undertone of threat, that my wife and I should rectify the situation immediately.
Of course, I said some-thing similar to my own mother when I was a kid. She just laughed and steepled her fingers like Monty Burns, saying "But son, EVERY day is Kids' Day."
Even at my young age, I knew that that was a horrible, horrible lie. If every day was Kids' Day, that why didn't I have cake for every meal? Where was the constant deluge of presents?
Of course, when I was young, Mother's Day really only meant getting your mother a card and taking her out to dinner. It wasn't the gift-giving holiday that it is now. I have no idea why I thought I should get cake and presents for Kids' Day, though I still rankle at the injustice of it all. Well, I'm still hungry for cake.
That being said, when I hear the next generation of kids complain about the lack of Kids' Day, I'm understanding and irritated and slightly sleepy (The last two have nothing to do with anything).
Celebrating mothers is all well and good. Telling a mom that she's loved, and listing all the little and big things that she does that you appreciate is fine. But really, moms wouldn't be moms without kids.
And dads, of course. We dads are the true unsung heroes of Mother's Day. In fact, we're almost universally ignored on this day. Still, we are a manly lot, us dads, so we bite the bullet, choke back our tears, and wait until June for our ties and novelty barbecue aprons.
But since kids are universally quiet about their problems, never uttering a peep or whining about perceived and imagine injustices, or their selfish little
ideas, I will do likewise.
Sorry, kids. While I can appreciate your greed, I can't condone it.
That being said, let me thank a few moms out there.
To my own mother, what can I say? You wiped my bottom when I was an infant, a fact that will always make me a little embarrassed. You celebrated my achievements and laughed at my tears, sometimes pointing and saying in a sing-song manner "Crybaby!" (Note: That may not have happened). You helped me through school and college ºand law school, and are now the proud grandmother of my four daughters, telling them embarrassing stories about me and giving them entirely unrealistic expectations about how nice old ladies are. (If you are an old lady reading this, I kid. You are all terribly nice.)
I love you, Mom. Happy Mother's Day. Enjoy this, my one legally obligated sentiment of the year.
To my wife, Sarah, again, what can I say? You have lots of daughters. You read them stories and play Barbies with them. You promise them they can watch TV when I was already watching something. You also proofread my columns for me. Happy Mother's Day, Sarah!
To my grandmother, what can I say? Happy Mother's Day, grandma! I have four daughters, but you have six. This isn't a contest, but only because you won.
And finally, to my mother-in-law, Polly, what can I say? I read in a book once that you should send flowers to your mother-in-law on Mother's Day to thank her for bringing your spouse into the world. I'm not going to do that.
Not because I'm not grateful, but because I'm cheap. No offense. So you get this instead... ahem... Happy Mother's Day, Polly!
Happy Mother's Day to all moms out there. I made you all a cake. I'll enjoy it on your behalf.