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The Prescott Daily Courier | Prescott, Arizona

home : features : features October 13, 2015

2/4/2013 10:53:00 PM
Column: Super Bowl is more than just football
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton
Syndicated Columnist

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

The Super Bowl drew one hundred million viewers for CBS Sunday. The game didn't seem to matter. Half the viewers tuned in to see if Beyonce would lip-sync and the other half tuned in to see which players hugged each other a little too long after a big play.

The French Quarter hosts millions in New Orleans for Mardi Gras tonight. The Super Bowl drunk is followed by the Mardi Gras orgy. New Orleans has withstood three great enemies in two hundred years, the British Navy, the Yankee army and alcohol rehabs.

The University of Miami might change the name of its Alex Rodriguez Baseball Park due to new HGH charges. It's making everyone wary. Nobody's naming anything after Barack Obama till they find out if he used deer antler spray on the election returns in Ohio.

Dan Marino admitted Thursday he had an adulterous affair with his CBS production assistant seven years ago that unexpectedly produced a love child. It happened for the same reason the former quarterback never won a Super Bowl. His protection broke down.

The White House started construction on a second Oval Office at the Executive Office building across the street to accomodate renovations. They're connected by a tunnel. The White House won't refer to the tunnel as a tunnel, they call it a pathway to citizenship.

The Justice Department blocked Anheuser-Busch's purchase of the Mexican brewery which makes Corona. The administration is furious. The president brews his own beer in the White House and if Anheuser-Busch is going to buy anybody, they ought to buy him.

North Korea's Kim Jung Un set off nuclear bomb tests Friday to draw attention away from his nation's dire conditions. He just marked his birthday with a magic show. When the magician pulled a rabbit out of a hat, it was immediately eaten by thirty million people.

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